10 Things an Inspector Doesn’t Want to Find In Your Crawlspace or Attic*


*These are based on real experiences

  1. Anything resembling a filled body bag.
  2. The words “Welcome To the Dungeon” scrawled out in red paint across the wall.
  3. A nest of black widows. Made worse when the handheld light illuminating nest goes out right as a vigorous attack is made upon the spiders. Utter darkness ensues, along with multiple army crawling records being set in the categories of speed, agility, and heartfelt emotional passion.
  4. A pink Victoria’s Secret bag containing one round saw blade.
  5. A pair, or multiple pairs, of eyes being illuminated by the flashlight.
  6. Heavy breathing
  7. Red sticky liquid
  8. Exposed electrical wires. (Made worse when homeowner asks “Did you happen to see the exposed electrical wires?”; made even worse when crawlspace is also flooded.)
  9. Buried pets.
  10. Snakes. Exponentially worse when you discover said snakes to make a peculiar rattling noise when disturbed.

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